Musings

Hello Everyone,

Well it has been over a week since we were given the go ahead for IVF and i have had periods of not thinking about it and then there have been times when it is all i think about, for hours.

Today is one of those days...

I have been imagining our little babies (for some reason i have the feeling that i will have twins, i have always felt this way, a boy named William and a girl named Emma, yep... i am crazy) running around our home, making a mess, sleeping, laughing. When i have been driving i have been imagining them in their little car seats in the back, and whilst it is absolutely mad i have found myself having a secret smile to myself.

I keep imagining being pregnant, knowing the babies are in there, safe, protected, loved so very much. I imagine us both cosying up on the sofa, hands on belly, smiles on faces...

Even though i am yet to have a child i still feel the enormous sensation to protect them, although they are still only a thought the sensation is so strong that i am half a second away from building a fort! God knows what it will be like when they are actually here, or worse still, when i am pregnant!

The chances of us getting pregnant first time on IVF are slim, but still possible. I am so desperate for us to be finally lucky. We really are due for a bit of luck.

I really can't wait to be pregnant, i know a lot of women complain about being pregnant and i'm not about to say that i won't, as i'm sure there will be testing times, however i know that i will try to cherish every single moment. We have been waiting so long now how could i not?

I am finding it so hard to not look at baby stuff, prams, cots, bed linen etc, i know i have got to try and not get my hopes up, but at the same time why not? Why can't i get excited? I can't wait for the moment i see those 2 little lines that i so crave for, telling me that finally we have been blessed, we deserve it so much. I don't know what i would do next, probably cry... actually, definitely cry! How am i supposed to keep it a secret from my close family and friends for 12 whole weeks? That is near on impossible!

We are still waiting on our letter from Bourn Hall to invite us to an open day. It's crappy timing really as we are going to Centre Parcs in February next year with our friends and sods law is that the time for us to start the process will be February. What will we do then? Put our options in a hat and pick one out? Fingers crossed it will be January or March/April time, although that will then (hopefully) create a December baby, which is not ideal, but then... beggars can't be choosers. Urgh, my head is such a blur of 'what ifs'. Things will be so much better once that letter is here.

Our blood tests went really well, i usually have them at my doctors but this time we had them at the hospital and wow... i barely felt a thing, Phil (unfortunately) felt nothing and i haven't really developed a bruise. I can't believe it!

I guess now all that is left to do is wait... more blooming waiting. I'm a pro now!

Take Care All xxx